We've been getting a lot of great questions about first-time sex at sexqs buzzfeed. The following pieces of advice are meant to apply to all cisgender and transgender individuals — regardless of your age, sexual orientation, or gender identity. That said, not every tip might apply to every person.
Adolescence is deeply confusing that way: some things will just not be explained to you, like what losing your virginity is really like. There is one thing I take away from the handful of "sex talks" I got from my mom that grew and matured with my concepts of love and sex over the years. But what she did say was that it was my job to protect my heart.
Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the range of myths surrounding it doesn't help. While some women may experience pain during their first experience with penetrative sex, you do not have to have a bad time. Talking to your partner and understanding how sex works can help you relax beforehand.
Your first time having sex doesn't have to be painful. There are two main tales that get spun around having sex for the first time. One, that as long as you have sex with the right person, it'll be magical and beautiful. And two, no matter who you have sex with for the first time, it's bound to be awkward and painful as hell.
When a woman experiences pain during sex for the first time, it could be because of a variety of factors. If your hymen is still intact, you may experience pain and a bit of bleeding as it stretches during intercourse. The hymen is a thin tissue that may either partially or fully cover the entrance of the vagina.
You probably remember hearing the rumor somewhere in the hallways of your middle school, maybe even before you were fully sure about what "sex" was: If you've got a vagina, the first time you have sex is going to be unpleasant and probably painful. Obviously this rumor is an incredible bummer, and it's one that's not fair. On top of all the other things our young middle school brains were already terrified of — like periods, armpit hair, and bras — introducing the concept of sex being painful seemed so cruel.
There is no one definition of virginity. Others may define virginity as never engaging in vaginal penetration with a penis, despite having had other types of sex, including oral stimulation and anal penetration. Some people may no longer call themselves a virgin after engaging in anal penetration or penetration with a finger or sex toy.
If you have a vaginayour knowledge about the hymen probably starts and ends with something about virginity. Or so the theory goes. This thin membrane can tear from so many other things besides sexual intercourse.
Not all of us lose our virginities at age 16 in the back of an old Camry. First things first: what does virginity mean to you? Intercourse might not be a part of your desired repertoire, or there may be other acts that have more meaning to you.